For Stevie
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Small bits of what I'm reading, thinking, eating, doing, etc.
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February 1, 2012
February 1, 2012
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
~”Shit Burgling Cock Buckets (Remix)”~
- Performed by me
- Remixed by MixMaster Steve Whitaker.
- Inspired by a phrase said by Justine
It’s cut down to 30 seconds, so it will work as a ringtone. I believe that some have even used it as an alarm.
You can download the iPhone ringtone version or the MP3 version.
Why be stuck with a ringtone that sounds like everyone else’s?
Also:
February 1, 2012
“The Bridge” By Edwin Friedman
There was a man who had given much thought to what he wanted from life. He had experienced many moods and trials. He had experimented with different ways of living, and he had had his share of both success and failure. At last, he began to see clearly where he wanted to go.
Diligently, he searched for the right opportunity. Sometimes he came close, only to be pushed away. Often he applied all his strength and imagination, only to find the path hopelessly blocked. And then at last it came. But the opportunity would not wait. It would be made available only for a short time. If it were seen that he was not committed, the opportunity would not come again.
Eager to arrive, he started on his journey. With each step, he wanted to move faster; with each thought about his goal, his heart beat quicker; with each vision of what lay ahead, he found renewed vigor. Strength that had left him since his early youth returned, and desires, all kinds of desires, reawakened from their long-dormant positions.
Hurrying along, he came upon a bridge that crossed through the middle of a town. It had been built high above a river in order to protect it from the floods of spring. He started across.
Then he noticed someone coming from the opposite direction. As they moved closer, it seemed as though the other were coming to greet him. He could see clearly, however, that he did not know this other, who was dressed similarly except for something tied around his waist.
When they were within hailing distance, he could see that what the other had about his waist was a rope. It was wrapped around him many times and probably, if extended, would reach a length of 30 feet.
The other began to uncurl the rope, and, just as they were coming close, the stranger said, “Pardon me, would you be so kind as to hold the end a moment?” Surprised by this politely phrased but curious request, he agreed without a thought, reached out, and took it.
“Thank you,” said the other, who then added, “two hands now, and remember, hold tight.” Whereupon, the other jumped off the bridge.
Quickly, the free-falling body hurtled the distance of the rope’s length, and from the bridge the man abruptly felt the pull. Instinctively, he held tight and was almost dragged over the side. He managed to brace himself against the edge, however, and after having caught his breath, looked down at the other dangling, close to oblivion.
“What are you trying to do?” he yelled.
“Just hold tight,” said the other.  “This is ridiculous,” the man thought and began trying to haul the other in. He could not get the leverage, however. It was as though the weight of the other person and the length of the rope had been carefully calculated in advance so that together they created a counterweight just beyond his strength to bring the other back to safety.
“Why did you do this?” the man called out.
“Remember,” said the other, “if you let go, I will be lost.”
“But I cannot pull you up,” the man cried.
“I am your responsibility,” said the other.
“Well, I did not ask for it,” the man said.
“If you let go, I am lost,” repeated the other.
He began to look around for help. But there was no one. How long would he have to wait? Why did this happen to befall him now, just as he was on the verge of true success? He examined the side, searching for a place to tie the rope. Some protrusion, perhaps, or maybe a hole in the boards. But the railing was unusually uniform in shape; there were no spaces between the boards. There was no way to get rid of this newfound burden, even temporarily.
“What do you want?” he asked the other hanging below.
“Just your help,” the other answered.
“How can I help? I cannot pull you in, and there is no place to tie the rope so that I can go and find someone to help me help you.”
“I know that. Just hang on; that will be enough. Tie the rope around your waist; it will be easier.” Fearing that his arms could not hold out much longer, he tied the rope around his waist.
“Why did you do this?” he asked again. “Don’t you see what you have done? What possible purpose could you have had in mind?”
“Just remember,” said the other, “my life is in your hands.”
What should he do?
“If I let go, all my life I will know that I let this other die. If I stay, I risk losing my momentum toward my own long-sought-after salvation. Either way this will haunt me forever.”
With ironic humor he thought to die himself, instantly, to jump off the bridge while still holding on. “That would teach this fool.” But he wanted to live and to live life fully. “What a choice I have to make; how shall I ever decide?”
As time went by, still no one came. The critical moment of decision was drawing near. To show his commitment to his own goals, he would have to continue on his journey now. It was already almost too late to arrive in time. But what a terrible choice to have to make.
A new thought occurred to him. While he could not pull this other up solely by his own efforts, if the other would shorten the rope from his end by curling it around his waist again and again, together they could do it. Actually, the other could do it by himself, so long as he, standing on the bridge, kept it still and steady.
“Now listen,” he shouted down. “I think I know how to save you.” And he explained his plan.
But the other wasn’t interested.
“You mean you won’t help? But I told you I cannot pull you up myself, and I don’t think I can hang on much longer either.”
“You must try,” the other shouted back in tears. “If you fail, I die.”
The point of decision arrived. What should he do? “My life or this other’s?”
And then a new idea. A revelation. So new, in fact, it seemed heretical, so alien was it to his traditional way of thinking.
“I want you to listen carefully,” he said, “because I mean what I am about to say. I will not accept the position of choice for your life, only for my own; the position of choice for your own life I hereby give back to you.”
“What do you mean?” the other asked, afraid.
“I mean, simply, it’s up to you. You decide which way this ends. I will become the counterweight. You do the pulling and bring yourself up. I will even tug a little from here.” He began unwinding the rope from around his waist and braced himself anew against the side.
“You cannot mean what you say,” the other shrieked. “You would not be so selfish. I am your responsibility. What could be so important that you would let someone die? Do not do this to me.”
He waited a moment. There was no change in the tension of the rope.
“I accept your choice,” he said, at last, and freed his hands.
(Source: amazon.com)
January 31, 2012
Techsupport Tuesday
A little over 24 years ago, some friends from church lost a daughter to suicide. She was 17.
In mid-December 2011, the father fell asleep with a fire in the fireplace, and woke up to find the house was engulfed in flames. Fortunately he and his wife (and their cat) made it out safely. In a spooky coincidence, it was the anniversary of their daughter’s death.
About a week and a half later, their son, who was around 12 when his sister died and who had a history of mental illness and alcoholism, also committed suicide.
I’ve never been at more of a loss for words. What do you say to people who have been through so much?
Last night, one of our mutual friends called and asked me to go with her to their (new, temporary) house to setup their computer and router for them. She had tried, but couldn’t get it to work.
Setting up someone’s Windows computer is one of my least favorite activities, but in this case, I was just glad to be able to do something, anything to make their lives a little easier. Is it even a drop in the bucket of the pain and suffering that they have gone through? Probably not. But it’s something more than nothing, which is what I had been able to do before today.
There is no point to this story other than the fact that I have thought about this couple every day for a month and a half, and I still find myself wondering how they get up every morning.
January 31, 2012
GPOYW
My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to be pan-fluted. To the pain!
January 31, 2012
So this happened
K picked me up at the bus stop to get some more groceries on the way home. When we were waiting in line at the cash desk I whined about my day, the weather, basically everything. You know those days. K teased me about my bad mood and kissed. A super innocent kiss. Close-mouthed innocent. The toddler’s mother in front of us whipped around and said: “You know how disgusting that is? Don’t do it in front of my child.” Meanwhile the heterosexual teenager couple in front of her was just a layer of clothes away from public fucking, which somehow did not offend her. I’m bad in these situation, my fuse is too short to deal with it in an adult way. That’s what I have a level-headed girlfriend for. But even she was gobsmacked. But the little old lady behind us chimed in with a very sweet, yet deathly determined: “I think this lovely couple is not at fault if you insist on raising your child to be a close-minded asshole.” (hihi, she said “asshole”) The mother stood there slack-jawed and was too offended to say anything else. The little old lady snickered and told us very sincerely that she thinks it’s awful we have to put with such crap.
So, shut the fuck up hateful mothers and let the little old ladies speak.
FAVORITE PART.
NICE!
If the bitch piped up again, she’d have been socked with a giant purse full of loose change and Polident.
BAGILF
January 31, 2012
I saw part of this on my Dashboard earlier, but I like the additional parts about what he does during each part of the day.
(Click the image for a larger version, which fits nicely on one 8x11 sheet, if printed)
(Source: books.google.com)
January 31, 2012
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Marriage, chapter 53,937
Backstory: The wife has this horrible habit of taking the cordless phone from one room and leaving it fuckknowswhere. Or she’ll leave it off the charger for days at a time until the battery dies. We finally bought one of those sets with 6 handsets and I put them in just about every room, and she’ll still end up with 3 of them in her room, including the one from my room, the one from downstairs, etc. In fact the only phone I can reliably count on finding is the one in the kitchen, because it is secured to the wall, and not cordless.
Tonight she called for the end-of-the-day checkin right after I texted her that we were home if she wanted to call.
I was in my room, and my phone was under something on the bed, so it took about 2 extra rings for me to pickup (right after I had told her we were home if she wanted to call).
Me: “Hey…hi… the phone was under the sheet…”
Her: “Do you have something against the cradle?!” (she said sarcastically, and then laughed at her own “joke” which was not funny because I only had one phone, mine, and it was in the room it was supposed to be in, and I located it within a few seconds, as opposed to being completely missing and/or dead.)
Me: “… Hang on, I think I hear the call-waiting… you’ve got an incoming call from kettle…”
Now that’s funny.
January 30, 2012
"To protest a bill that would require women to undergo an ultrasound before having an abortion, Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell (D-Fairfax) on Monday attached an amendment that would require men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication."
—
Huff Po (via rachelfershleiser)
How about mandatory spousal notification?
“Dear Mrs. Limpnoodle: This is to inform you that your husband has procured a prescription for erectile dysfunction. We just thought you would like to be warned in case he had either decided to a) “spring” it on you, so to speak, or b) use it with the nanny.
Sincerely,
The Government”
(via clapifyoulikeme)
January 30, 2012
Investigators seek answers about pre-dawn pileup that killed at least 10 on Florida highway
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Authorities in Florida were trying to determine Monday what caused a fatal pileup on Interstate 75 south of Gainesville, where a long line of cars and trucks collided one after another on a dark highway so shrouded in haze and smoke that drivers were blinded.
At least 10 were killed in the early Sunday pileup and another 18 were hospitalized.
Many of you know we used to live in Gainesville. I know exactly where this happened.
It’s statistically improbable that anyone we know was involved, but that doesn’t make it any less horrific, especially if the fire (which caused the smoke, which led to the accident) was intentionally set.
January 30, 2012
Prompted by Michael B. Berkman and Eric Plutzer’s recent column in Science deploring “a pervasive reluctance of teachers to forthrightly explain evolutionary biology,” Popular Mechanics asked Bill Nye for his reaction. “It’s horrible,” Nye replied.
Nye was particularly concerned with the characterization of evolution as “just a theory,” arguing, “People make flu vaccinations that stop people from getting sick. Farmers raise crops with science; they hybridize them and make them better with every generation. That’s all evolution. Evolution is a theory, and it’s a theory that you can test. We’ve tested evolution in many ways. You can’t present good evidence that says evolution is not a fact.”
As I’ve said before: I was taught evolution at my Catholic high school. It did not ruin my faith.
I have seen far more people turn away from religious faith because they grew up in an environment where they were not exposed to any contrary way of thinking, where nothing was ever subjected to questioning or debate. And then they go off to college and the first time someone points out something that they can’t explain, they think “Well, I was always told that ‘x’ was the foundation of our faith and if ‘x’ isn’t true… well, then, I guess none of it is true.”
Then people back home bemoan the fact that Johnnie went to college and “lost his faith.”
Which is sort of like putting your child in the street and bemoaning that they were hit by a car.
What did you expect would happen?
I’m not sure there is one reason why people are drawn to religious faith (and more than there is one reason they are repelled from it), but people are not drawn to religious faith by the book of Genesis and creationism.
I suspect that if more people of religious faith lived lives which were admirable, if they demonstrated the importance of their faith through the daily living of their lives — especially how they treat people — then more people would be interested in it.
As it is, religious people are often viewed as hypocrites and haters.
And they think its evolution that is driving people away from faith.
(via pocketcontents)
January 30, 2012
We can change our selves.We are, each of us, largely responsible for what gets put into our brains, for what, as adults, we wind up caring for and knowing about. No longer at the mercy of the reptile brain, we can change ourselves.
I’m concerned that after reading this — this seemingly simple but actually rather important point regarding personal determination against a relentless tide of madness and inanity — all I can think about is that it looks like Mr. Sagan is saying “Pussy pussy pussy pussy.”
DAMMIT SHANE.
(But he totally is.)
(Source: gifmovie)
January 29, 2012
Llewelyn Moss: “If I don’t come back, tell mother I love her.”
Carla Jean Moss: “Your mother’s dead, Llewelyn.”
Llewelyn Moss: “Well, then, I’ll tell her myself.”
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