While I was looking for something else at Meme Generator, I saw this and it reminded me of the type of feedback I’d get from my ex-stepfather.

Here’s a smattering of recollections:

a) When I decided to major in Computer Science, he once told me that solving computer problems must be easy, because “in the end it’s either a zero or a one.” [he was completely serious].

b) He also once blamed me for messing up Mine Sweeper on the computer because “It was working before you used it” [nevermind that I was writing a paper in Word and never even launched Mine Sweeper or done anything else except write the paper. Mine Sweeper was his favorite game that he spent hours playing while my mother was at work.]

c) He looked at a report card with 2 ‘A’s, 3 ‘A-’s and 1 ‘B+’ and said “Wow, that B really ruins an otherwise good report card.” [This from a man who was “asked not to return” to “pharmacist school” because he went in thinking he knew it all since he had worked at his father’s drug store]

d) He told me that people in his generation didn’t need to go to college, because they learned more when he was in high school. [again, he was completely serious]

e) when he heard that my friend’s father had died right before my friend was supposed to go to the Gulf War (in 1990) and that my friend was therefore not going to be deployed, he said “Wow, some people will do anything to get out of serving…” (and then screamed that he “was only joking” when everyone came down on him)

f) when I was home for a few days to try to move my father from a nursing home in MA to assisted living in FLA, and was going to need the money that my mother owed by dad from the divorce 20 years earlier (which she had been supposed to pay 5 years earlier), told me that he could get a lawyer to say that my mother only owed a fraction of what the agreement said. (This was the money that was going to pay for my Dad’s care.)

g) He once started a physical fight with his mentally retarded younger brother because his brother had forgotten to shine his shoes before they were supposed to leave on a trip to Las Vegas that his brother was paying for. (He was in his 60s and his brother was in his 50s at the time.) He took his brother on several of these trips to Las Vegas, and let his brother pay for all of the expenses [see next item]. His brother never expressed any interest in Las Vegas. My ex-stepfather, however, fancies himself quite the poker player, and has gone to Las Vegas for vacation for as long as I’ve known him.

h) speaking of his mentally retarded brother, my ex-stepfather once said to me that his brother: “…has never had to work a day in his life…” [because he is mentally incapable… as opposed to his brother who just doesn’t want to, and who hasn’t held a steady job since the mid-80s] “… has people taking care of him, doesn’t have to worry about a place to live, and has more money than he can ever spend in his bank account.” [All of this was supposed to contrast with himself and the “strain” that he was under in life, I guess.] He finished with, “So you tell me, who’s the real dummy?”

i) when his mother had to go into a nursing home, he fought to keep Medicare from seizing his mother’s house because “…all she ever wanted was to know that [his mentally retarded brother] wouldn’t have to go in a ‘group home’, but could live in the house he grew up in.” He worked tirelessly to make sure that they didn’t force the sale of the house. As soon as they agreed not to take it, he started looking at group homes to put his brother into, because he couldn’t live alone and my step-father sure wasn’t going to take care of him. He eventually sold the house, put his brother into a group home, and put the assets from the sale into an account that he had control over, although it was in the name of the three brothers. He also paid himself out of that account for his “time and effort” spent on behalf of his mother and brothers, overseeing those assets.

j) oh, yeah, the other brother… he died a few years ago as a ward of the state, and I’m quite sure never saw a penny from the sale of their mother’s house. He made one of his daughters take care of the funeral arrangements, because he “wasn’t up to it” and one night when she called to talk to him about some of the details, he was out playing poker.

k) once he put his other brother into a home, he never visited him. During their divorce trial, they couldn’t even find anyone on the staff who could say that they had ever seen him there. My mother still visits him, oversees his care, and brings him to some of her family events where everyone is extremely nice to him and treats him like family. [Despite the fact that she separated from my ex-stepfather in 2000 and has been divorced since 2005.]

l) also during the divorce trial, it came out that he had hidden his brother’s assets from the group home when he filled out the paperwork to get him admitted. So not only did he manipulate the Medicare board by saying that his mother wanted his brother to be able to stay in the family home, but once it was assured that they wouldn’t take it, he went directly against what his mother said that she wanted, had the house sold, put the money into a joint account (knowing full well that his other brother would never even know what had happened), and then hid it from the people who were caring for his brother, so that the money would stay in the account in his name and under his control.

m) even in the past few weeks he has tried to get his brother’s current address from my mother (via one of his daughters) which my mother refused to give because she doesn’t trust that any of them wouldn’t try to help him get control of his brother’s assets [which are now separated from his account, and managed by the group home, who have quarterly assessment meetings with — you guessed it — my mother, who still makes sure that he is being well taken care of. She has no access to his money, only the group home trustees do, and they make sure that it is spent appropriately].

n) He has 4 daughters. The oldest entered the military as soon as she was old enough and took a position in Germany to get away from him. The second oldest got into a disastrous marriage at 18 to get away from him. None of them can stand to be around him. In fact, when they were all home last Christmas (for the first time in ages) they gathered at my mother’s house, and sat around and talked. They all said how nice it was to be there, as opposed to either of their parent’s houses. Even now with the news that he is supposedly on his death bed, the two who live far away have not come home for “one last visit”. I suspect they got their fill at Christmas.

o) after my mother started divorce proceedings against him twice and took him back both times and went to marriage counseling (although her only problem was having terrible taste in men) trying to make it work… he cheated on her. After 18 years of him being barely employed and living off my mother, and making everyone’s life miserable, he talked his way back in twice and then cheated on her.

p) because our legal system sucks, it punished my mother for having stuck it out for as long as she did, and he left the marriage with $100,000 of my mother’s money and she had to keep him on her health insurance.

I could go on, because there are plenty of other examples, but you get the idea.

So you’ll understand if I don’t mourn the news of his current situation and impending death.