Dreamhost Sucks
Dreamhost, which is where I host some of the files for my Tumblr, decided today that what they mean...
Mar 31st
No Winners, Only Losers
1: (singing) "I'm in the ho-tel after-noon"2: "What?"
1: "I'm singing"
2: "What are you singing?"
1: "Hungry Like the Wolf"
2: "Those aren't the words"
1: "Yes they are"
2: "'I'm in the hotel afternoon'? What does that even mean?"
1: "It means he'll be at his hotel later in the afternoon."
2: "That's not the line! It's 'I'm on the hunt, I'm after you'"
1: "It is?"
2: "YES!!"
1: "Oh. Yeah I guess that makes more sense"
2: *sigh*
1: (resumes singing) "Moth is a line, juice is like wine"
2: "Mouth is alive with juices like wine!"
1: "Whatever"
Mar 31st
Judge Rules Pole Dancing Is Art...
After reviewing DVDs of exotic dancers, an administrative law judge has determined that pole...
Mar 31st
(insert “24”-esque clock-ticking noises here)
Mar 30th
Gut Instinct
If people had to give their kids middle names based on the first word that came to mind when you...
Mar 30th
Performance Review
Dear Human Resources:
Please note the...
Mar 30th
COEXIST
I saw this in the parking lot this morning and...
Mar 30th
Peltor H10A Professional Noise Canceling Earmuff
If I do...
Mar 30th
xkcd - A Webcomic - Parking
I think this may be my...
Mar 30th
Secret Message Reviews of Secret Message...
Well, frack me sideways. It’s one thing to have a similar Tweet idea as someone else, or...
Mar 30th
Secret Tumblr Decoded
“HA! I wonder if this one’s me.” “Who am I kidding? I’m probably...
Mar 30th
@luomat wrote on the Twitter:
Dear Gmail: I think...
Mar 29th
The Cake
from The Boy and The Wife
(Click through for...
Mar 29th
Watch
Cock Shot
Available in HD. Because, you know, you need that.
via @tbridge
Mar 29th
I am Jack’s excessively caloric birthday dessert.
...
Mar 28th
Watch
inthefade:
Happy birthday to my favorite pigeon.
Imaging how much better life would be if...
Mar 28th
Anal Glaucoma
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not...
Mar 28th
Post Office
I should have taken a picture of this, but it was rainy and dark when I got home. Upon my arrival...
Mar 28th
“Embedding disabled by request”
Translation:...
Mar 27th
Also works if you replace “Alltop” with...
Mar 27th
“
“Basically, for 99.9 percent of people on Twitter,...”
— Better Quote: “99.9% of...
— Better Quote: “99.9% of...
Mar 27th
♋ = cancer
Wait, wait, wait…. are you telling me...
Mar 27th
You Know What I Think is Not a Question...
Her: …You know what I think?Me: Going back to school was a huge mistake and I never should have done it?
Her: No—
Me: Going back to school while working full time was an amazingly stupid idea?
Her: No!
Me: Going back to school while working full-time with a 6 year old in the house was the dumbest thing I've ever done, and I've done a lot of them?
Her: I am going to punch you SO HARD…
Mar 26th
The last episode of the original Battlestar...
Mar 26th
Fuck Cancer Twitstream
Read This
ReTweet if you would...
Mar 25th
“I prefer to live in a world where I’m less pious and don’t...”
— From: @film_girl’s...
— From: @film_girl’s...
Mar 25th
Dad?
Mar 25th
No Good Answer
I hereby begin the canonical list of questions for which there are no good answers: Which of...
Mar 24th
She Told Me
A guest “Fun Size Byte” via email from @yardboy I come home one day and my wife tells...
Mar 24th
Jiminy frack, EndNote, all I wanted to do was use your...
Mar 24th
Watch
pwinn:
Watchmen & WALL-E Mashup Trailer - 720p HD (via TM2Megatron)
Brilliant. Simply...
Mar 24th
Watch
Wife Force One
This was one of the first YouTube videos I really thought was creatively done.
...
Mar 24th
“As Seen On TV.”
After all these years, I...
Mar 24th
I was going to watch Gone Baby Gone tonight, but then I saw...
Mar 24th
If it’s 24 hour protection, why do I need to use it 2x...
Mar 24th
I knew this wouldn’t come out, it’s an iPhone...
Mar 23rd
Well, it looks like I need to add
“Meet...
Mar 23rd
Watch
If you didn’t get this then you need to watch this above video. (We sang it better than...
Mar 23rd
For some reason (probably related to Twitter’s recent...
Mar 22nd
Watch
“Con te partirò (Time to Say Goodbye)” by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman
This song...
Mar 21st
Sometimes you just have to say “Fuck it, I’m...
Mar 20th
Watch
Firstly
Mad props to Showtime for posting this scene to YouTube, as opposed to issuing a DMCA...
Mar 20th
Watch
Source: maniacworld.com
Mar 20th
Watch
Extreme Sheep Art
via @bynkii on the twitter
Mar 18th
Wonderfully awesome.
Click through to read this: My Life...
Mar 18th
Watch
This is, by far, the most adorable thing on the Internet. It’s so cute I would like to eat her...
Mar 18th
Watch
Can you get better than Bill Mays?
Well, what if told him he couldn’t shout, but he could...
Mar 16th
Watch
MY CAMEO. LET ME SHOW U IT.
or
“So apparently NO ONE noticed @tj’s cameo on BSG last...
Mar 14th
Watch
Play Dead, Ballie.
Note: embedding seems to have broken. Visit CBS.com to view it there.
No, I...
Mar 11th
Yes, that’s an (empty) wine bottle with an (empty)...
Mar 8th
Actually, No
More background on <a href="http: //twitter.com/tj/statuses/1289478988">My Twitter about my love for scallions</a>:Waitress: Is everything OK?
Me: Well… Yes, everything is fine. I just forgot to tell you to leave the scallions off because I hate scallions and my wife is not here to —
Waitress: (interrupting) —pick them off for you?
Me: Um…noooo. She's not here to remind me to tell you that I hate scallions when I ordered them.
(I'm sure she didn't *mean* to sound condescending, but at 35 and after 13 years of marriage, I've managed to figure out how to pick crap I don't like off my own food. I'm kind of amazing that way. But yes, sometimes I do fail to remember some ways that foods are prepared that I don't like. Still, it wasn't the smartest thing to say to someone whose tips you rely on for your income.)
Mar 6th
Excoriate
If you’re not sure what the word “excoriate” means, the dictionary can tell you...
Mar 6th
Watch
It’s nice to see the mainstream media, one of the most popular shows among the 18-35 year old...
Mar 4th
Discount Logic
Me: (handing a print out to a so-called "customer service" employee) You sell this same item for $10 less on your website.Drone: We don't match prices to other stores.
Me: It's *your* website.
Drone: We don't match prices to websites.
Me: It's your website... where I can order this same item to be shipped to the store for free.
Drone: Sorry [Translation: I couldn't possibly care any less than I do right now, because they give me no power of authority to do anything but parrot company policy even when it makes no sense, so why should I mistake a paycheck for a reason to care?]
Mar 1st