Fun Size Bytes

Dreamhost Sucks

Dreamhost, which is where I host some of the files for my Tumblr, decided today that what they mean...

Mar 31st

No Winners, Only Losers

1: (singing) "I'm in the ho-tel after-noon"
2: "What?"
1: "I'm singing"
2: "What are you singing?"
1: "Hungry Like the Wolf"
2: "Those aren't the words"
1: "Yes they are"
2: "'I'm in the hotel afternoon'? What does that even mean?"
1: "It means he'll be at his hotel later in the afternoon."
2: "That's not the line! It's 'I'm on the hunt, I'm after you'"
1: "It is?"
2: "YES!!"
1: "Oh. Yeah I guess that makes more sense"
2: *sigh*
1: (resumes singing) "Moth is a line, juice is like wine"
2: "Mouth is alive with juices like wine!"
1: "Whatever"

Mar 31st

Judge Rules Pole Dancing Is Art...

After reviewing DVDs of exotic dancers, an administrative law judge has determined that pole...

Mar 31st

(insert “24”-esque clock-ticking noises here)

Mar 30th

Gut Instinct

If people had to give their kids middle names based on the first word that came to mind when you...

Mar 30th

Performance Review Dear Human Resources: Please note the...

Mar 30th

COEXIST I saw this in the parking lot this morning and...

Mar 30th

Peltor H10A Professional Noise Canceling Earmuff If I do...

Mar 30th

xkcd - A Webcomic - Parking I think this may be my...

Mar 30th

Secret Message Reviews of Secret Message...

Well, frack me sideways. It’s one thing to have a similar Tweet idea as someone else, or...

Mar 30th

Secret Tumblr Decoded

“HA! I wonder if this one’s me.” “Who am I kidding? I’m probably...

Mar 30th

@luomat wrote on the Twitter: Dear Gmail: I think...

Mar 29th

The Cake from The Boy and The Wife (Click through for...

Mar 29th

Watch

Cock Shot Available in HD. Because, you know, you need that. via @tbridge

Mar 29th

I am Jack’s excessively caloric birthday dessert. ...

Mar 28th

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inthefade: Happy birthday to my favorite pigeon. Imaging how much better life would be if...

Mar 28th

Anal Glaucoma

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not...

Mar 28th

Post Office

I should have taken a picture of this, but it was rainy and dark when I got home. Upon my arrival...

Mar 28th

“Embedding disabled by request” Translation:...

Mar 27th

Also works if you replace “Alltop” with...

Mar 27th

“ “Basically, for 99.9 percent of people on Twitter,...”
— Better Quote: “99.9% of...

Mar 27th

♋ = cancer Wait, wait, wait…. are you telling me...

Mar 27th

You Know What I Think is Not a Question...

Her: …You know what I think?
Me: Going back to school was a huge mistake and I never should have done it?
Her: No—
Me: Going back to school while working full time was an amazingly stupid idea?
Her: No!
Me: Going back to school while working full-time with a 6 year old in the house was the dumbest thing I've ever done, and I've done a lot of them?
Her: I am going to punch you SO HARD…

Mar 26th

The last episode of the original Battlestar...

Mar 26th

Fuck Cancer Twitstream Read This ReTweet if you would...

Mar 25th

“I prefer to live in a world where I’m less pious and don’t...”
— From: @film_girl’s...

Mar 25th

Dad?

Mar 25th

No Good Answer

I hereby begin the canonical list of questions for which there are no good answers: Which of...

Mar 24th

She Told Me

A guest “Fun Size Byte” via email from @yardboy I come home one day and my wife tells...

Mar 24th

Jiminy frack, EndNote, all I wanted to do was use your...

Mar 24th

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pwinn: Watchmen & WALL-E Mashup Trailer - 720p HD (via TM2Megatron) Brilliant. Simply...

Mar 24th

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Wife Force One This was one of the first YouTube videos I really thought was creatively done. ...

Mar 24th

“As Seen On TV.” After all these years, I...

Mar 24th

I was going to watch Gone Baby Gone tonight, but then I saw...

Mar 24th

If it’s 24 hour protection, why do I need to use it 2x...

Mar 24th

I knew this wouldn’t come out, it’s an iPhone...

Mar 23rd

Well, it looks like I need to add “Meet...

Mar 23rd

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If you didn’t get this then you need to watch this above video. (We sang it better than...

Mar 23rd

For some reason (probably related to Twitter’s recent...

Mar 22nd

Watch

“Con te partirò (Time to Say Goodbye)” by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman This song...

Mar 21st

Sometimes you just have to say “Fuck it, I’m...

Mar 20th

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Firstly Mad props to Showtime for posting this scene to YouTube, as opposed to issuing a DMCA...

Mar 20th

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Source: maniacworld.com

Mar 20th

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Extreme Sheep Art via @bynkii on the twitter

Mar 18th

Wonderfully awesome. Click through to read this: My Life...

Mar 18th

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This is, by far, the most adorable thing on the Internet. It’s so cute I would like to eat her...

Mar 18th

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Can you get better than Bill Mays? Well, what if told him he couldn’t shout, but he could...

Mar 16th

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MY CAMEO. LET ME SHOW U IT. or “So apparently NO ONE noticed @tj’s cameo on BSG last...

Mar 14th

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Play Dead, Ballie. Note: embedding seems to have broken. Visit CBS.com to view it there. No, I...

Mar 11th

Yes, that’s an (empty) wine bottle with an (empty)...

Mar 8th

Actually, No

More background on <a href="http: //twitter.com/tj/statuses/1289478988">My Twitter about my love for scallions</a>:
Waitress: Is everything OK?
Me: Well… Yes, everything is fine. I just forgot to tell you to leave the scallions off because I hate scallions and my wife is not here to —
Waitress: (interrupting) —pick them off for you?
Me: Um…noooo. She's not here to remind me to tell you that I hate scallions when I ordered them.
(I'm sure she didn't *mean* to sound condescending, but at 35 and after 13 years of marriage, I've managed to figure out how to pick crap I don't like off my own food. I'm kind of amazing that way. But yes, sometimes I do fail to remember some ways that foods are prepared that I don't like. Still, it wasn't the smartest thing to say to someone whose tips you rely on for your income.)

Mar 6th

Excoriate

If you’re not sure what the word “excoriate” means, the dictionary can tell you...

Mar 6th

Watch

It’s nice to see the mainstream media, one of the most popular shows among the 18-35 year old...

Mar 4th

Discount Logic

Me: (handing a print out to a so-called "customer service" employee) You sell this same item for $10 less on your website.
Drone: We don't match prices to other stores.
Me: It's *your* website.
Drone: We don't match prices to websites.
Me: It's your website... where I can order this same item to be shipped to the store for free.
Drone: Sorry [Translation: I couldn't possibly care any less than I do right now, because they give me no power of authority to do anything but parrot company policy even when it makes no sense, so why should I mistake a paycheck for a reason to care?]

Mar 1st