Fun Size Bytes (from @Tj)

Sometimes 140 characters saves me from...

Sometimes 140 characters saves me from posting something horribly embarrassing because in the time...

May 31st

Worrying About The Wrong Thing

I wrote: “What are those 2 (dads) arguing about?” “Guess” ...

May 31st

melissasantos: funsizebytes: I just went back to check...

May 31st

And just like that....

Thunder rolled across the hills and The Creepy Neighbor Kids said “We’d better get...

May 30th

The Day That Will Not End

11am - 1pm The Boy had a party/cookout which we were expected to attend as well. I also had to...

May 30th

Spy Games

inthefade: is anyone else concerned about their twitter friends timeline suddenly being filled with...

May 30th

First I asked How To Guarantee A Win In An Argument...

May 30th

He must be going through a growth spurt, because he keeps...

May 30th

I just went back to check the answers on my post asking for...

May 30th

My Favorite Phone Call This Week… (or maybe ever) I’m...

May 30th

How to Search on Any Tumblr

americanmailorderbride said: …I posted this to tumblr a month or so ago. Can’t find it outside...

May 30th

Oh this will end well. And probably...

(TwitReport for my newest follower. I give him 3 days, tops.) @ArtArgenio TwitReport: Name: ...

May 30th

The Most Important Question I Will Ever...

You can have one weapon from any movie, book, TV show, etc. Which one?

May 30th

ladawn: First crush what? Anyone who didn’t want to...

May 30th

We — I — finally took her dog bed out of the closet the...

May 29th

NWS - AYFKMWTS?

Below is the actual text of an email sent out to alert us of a flash flood warning: Flash Flood...

May 29th

I should keep track...

…of all the websites that read and think: “This would make a really good Tumblr, and...

May 29th

Twitter / Tumblr Turns 200

May 29th

This is the kind of thing that drives me nuts. I read this...

May 29th

At the risk of being jumped on by people, I...

May 29th

So. Not that I’m judging you by whether or not...

May 29th

Clarification

The Wife would like everyone to know: 1) That she was in “hard labor” for 3 hours and...

May 29th

Misreading Twitter Day

So first Sean wrote: Did you know? The sound of shooting whipped cream into your mouth masks the...

May 28th

Hotcakes

biorhythmist: If you haven’t already: Grab your spot on posterous right now. I’m still sniffing...

May 28th

Emails I Cannot Send

Dear Arrogant Fuckwad: In response to your numerous emails inquiring why you are still not getting...

May 28th

I wrote: The Boy would like everyone to know that 7...

May 28th

visualizeus: I Shot The Serif HA! Love it. However,...

May 28th

Avery has never heard "My Humps". I...

aedison: (via clapifyoulikeme) A strange accusation coming from the girl who has never seen...

May 28th

Dick Jokes

I saw a guy wearing a shirt the other day for a company called (and I am not making this up):...

May 28th

Watch

bliccy: “Trimming the Bush To Make the Tree Look Taller.” …I wish I had made this up. Honestly....

May 28th

Today seemed like a good day for a new...

Also a new “What does TJ stand for?” name: “Transient Jinxer” as suggested...

May 27th

Pro Tumblr Tip

biorhythmist: funsizebytes: …because you never know when someone is going to reblog an x-ray...

May 27th

Stupid fucking birds fucking fuck fucking fuck.

May 27th

On seeing the Carlton Kressley show...

americanmailorderbride: stuffmygirlfriendsays “I want to have a tv show like that. I...

May 27th

Pro Tumblr Tip

Sure, you’re just chatting with the secretary as you both enjoy the first minutes of silence...

May 27th

Dear Protesters: Put down your cardboard and your markers,...

May 27th

How to *Guarantee* a Win in an Argument...

Inspired by a DM conversation with inthefade we have a question for you: You’re aware of...

May 27th

mayjah: I was gay, but now I’m angry (via Steve Rhodes) ...

May 26th

cleversimon: rrrrred: 370 Beech Street, Highland Park,...

May 26th

(via haveabeagle) because beagles are the new unicorn...

May 26th

Missing the Point

(Please note update at the bottom) Look, people, I come here for the funny, and I suspect that...

May 26th

All I'm Saying Is

If you feed your baby spinach and she throws up on you—but just a little, i.e. not so much that you...

May 26th

You know, stars and hearts are OK, but I would really like...

May 26th

rinaedin: stack? ::eyebrow raised:: Are you saying...

May 26th

Church Brew Works, redux

(This is what I get for multitasking. I got distracted and meant to click “Save” when I...

May 26th

Church Brew Works is a restaurant in Pittsburgh which is located inside an old church. I went to...

May 26th

“I don’t like him. He has arrogant hair.”
— The Wife, regarding Hugh...

May 26th

americanmailorderbride: I think one more photo of me half...

May 25th

The Rest of the Story

I wrote: Her: “The lightbulbs are over the dryer” Me: “The rooster flies...

May 25th

cleversimon: Silly Beast, getting frustrated over an...

May 25th

Eating a hot dog in the pool.

May 25th

Twitter/Favrd switcher bookmarklet

May 25th

Of all the animals that man has caused...

americanmailorderbride: indefensible: From Wikipedia: The passenger pigeon (Ectopistes...

May 25th

“Twitter sucks” Ha! Get it?! Because…...

May 25th

Oh, me?

Me: “Whatcha doing?” Her: “Playing war [card game with The Boy], watching So You...

May 25th

Ethics.

cleversimon: katefeetie: In high school, they found my blog and had a sleepover where they read...

May 25th

Is that this week?

Lunch conversation today was comprised of my wife reading from her “calendar” (a.k.a the...

May 24th

TJ's Twitter & Tumblr List

May 24th

What can I say? The man gets me.

May 24th

nicky36 wrote: Yes, I am 37 years old, but if you tell me I...

May 24th

Wait, I thought only Faux Redneck Republican Cowboy...

May 24th

inthefade: srslainey: dwineman: How I w ork. I don’t...

May 23rd

Smartest parenting tip ever

samhey: One way to cope with parenthood is to imagine yourself as Indiana Jones, one step ahead of...

May 23rd

How to Use Tags in Tumblr (if you want)

I love the idea of tags for website posts, I just never tend to use them, partially because in my...

May 23rd

essdogg: Second, see that couple? Now, I’m sure they’re...

May 23rd

iPhone autocorrect is totally down with that.

May 23rd

The Glenrothes, postscript

I have to say this is some pretty good shit. Thanks for the history, indefensible (I tried to...

May 23rd

Drinking: The Glenrothes 1991 “Single Speys De...

May 23rd

Things No One Else Sees

We let The Boy decide where we were going to eat tonight, which was a mistake, because he’s 6,...

May 23rd

americanmailorderbride: Just to show you guys how...

May 23rd

Tepid Jiving for The Joking...

kurafire: TJ: Theoretical Jizzicist Totally Jamaican Transforming Juxtaposition Teapot...

May 22nd

nicky36: There is a fine art to eating raw cookie dough...

May 22nd

What's worse…

I wrote: It’s my day off, so I didn’t set my clock alarm last night, but forgot...

May 22nd

It's funny because...

Dear Cinemax: I am writing today about the title of your show “The Best Sex Ever:...

May 22nd

Ouch.

bliccy: I just experienced my first painful unfollowing. That one hurt. STUPID INTERNET. I...

May 22nd

(I’m going to stick my serious in your funny again....

May 22nd

Just remembered from the Indy tweetup

(I can’t remember who said this. If someone who was there wants to remind me, I’ll...

May 22nd

Dear Son: I keep things from you because...

Me (entering the living room, where The Wife and The Boy are watching TV): “Oh crap! I went...

May 22nd

americanmailorderbride wrote: I know that’s not a very...

May 22nd

As usual, you have all missed the larger...

Before children, the word “blowout” might refer to a tire (“I had a tire blowout...

May 22nd

Well it was worth a shot. (See www.infinitesummer.org for...

May 21st

rinaedin: okay guys this is me kissing my gf, for kissing...

May 21st

In these tough economic times, can you really afford not to...

May 21st

My car, today. I’m sure this will be funny to...

May 21st

Friends of Fuck

Email exchange with An Internet Friend (who is not on The Tumblr): Me: Maybe I just think of...

May 20th

Phoenix man killed self in gun-safety demo

May 20th

Oh Tumblr dashboard, you’ve done it again. Two random...

May 20th

Turning 30

We had our son baptized on my wife’s 30th birthday, with a bunch of family around, to distract...

May 20th

Home Visit

A preacher went to visit the home of an elderly woman is his congregation. She couldn’t get...

May 20th

If I Was Being Rude to You, You'd Know

(Home phone rings. A number I don’t recognize appears on the caller-ID, but that’s not...

May 20th

“Oh, that’s right, your brother already borrowed the...”
— That’s punchline to a...

May 19th

I have another friend…

She has a wooden leg. We call her Peg. I had another friend who had two wooden legs, but one of...

May 19th

My Friends' Names

I have a friend with no arms and no legs. He comes over but he can’t reach the doorbell, so he...

May 19th

Probable Cause

This woman is driving along on the highway in the countryside when all of a sudden she realizes that...

May 19th

Bad Joke Tuesday? Really?

I feel like Cliff Claven when he was on Jeopardy! and all the questions were about zip codes, or...

May 19th

Truth in Avatar-zing

Me: “All I said was that I thought fake Twitter icons were for ugly people.” Her:...

May 19th

Oh god, it that a toenail clipping on the...

May 19th

Picture this: You are about to meet a bunch of friends for...

May 18th

What Tony didn’t know was that we coated the paper...

May 18th

I call this one “The three hosts of Arrive Having...

May 18th

Jennifer has a new line of designer earrings coming out in...

May 18th

A lot of people were missed on Saturday, but some were...

May 18th

This will not help me explain to The Wife why I drove to...

May 18th

Autistic Trekdom

“I thought you said you were a Trek fan,” I said. “I am,” he...

May 18th

Note the Subject’s new found willingness to answer...

May 18th

Desperate Twitlives

You know you’re morally bankrupt and overinvested when you spend three minutes shouting...

May 18th

When @danielle busts your balls, you know they’ve been...

May 18th

"Two-ten-nanny?"

1) I have pictures for your Flickr as soon as I have permission to post to the group, I will be...

May 18th

Yes, iPhone, when I started typing “iPh”one I...

May 18th

Yes, iPhone, you’re absolutely right. When I typed...

May 18th

As if the bum ovaries weren't enough, now...

May 18th

“There are some smart people over there and some good people...”
—  cleversimon asked:...

May 18th

(via cleversimon) I laughed so hard I nearly passed out. ...

May 14th

Oh.

Me: “Holy crap, how long was she in Africa?!?” Her: “What? Who?” Me:...

May 14th

texburgher: GETTING REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THE MEATUP THIS...

May 13th

have a beagle (tumblr) is the best website ever. Also:...

May 13th

The Boy and His Bacon Yes, I let him eat bacon bits with a...

May 13th

What will haunt me for a long time is trying to figure out...

May 12th

I fear this picture will set-back the cause of same-sex...

May 12th

Practice saying it with me: "we met...

americanmailorderbride: sokeri: inthefade: frageelaytwit: texburgher: I met my dearest...

May 12th

zolora: Also—this house is for sale. It’s right near the...

May 11th

mayjah: retrolife: As a rule I usually don’t play ping...

May 11th

“It could be misinterpreted in a way that suggests that she...”
—  A Colorado state official,...

May 10th

“This is a tough holiday for Rahm [Emanuel]. He’s not used to...”
— President Obama last night....

May 10th

So I googled You Park Like an Asshole where I was going to...

May 9th

shuffstuff: -John Hancock’s grave. “His signature...

May 8th

smartasshat: gordonshumway: A protein shake in a Biggie...

May 8th

Watch

faneffingtastic: Say what again. (it’s wordle but in motion and awesome!) ht:...

May 5th

“Hey! I recognize that from Schroeder. But I know it’s...”
— —The Boy (who will be 7 at the...

May 4th

“If I wasn’t for plumbers, you’d have nowhere to...”
— Bumper sticker on the van in...

May 4th

Watch

I recognized probably 95 of these movies, and am going to work hard at suppressing my OCD need to...

May 3rd

adamisacson: The very thought of a George W. Bush calendar...

May 2nd

(via cleversimon) i’m your daddy Well, at least this...

May 2nd

The bench has a sign taped in the middle of it which says...

May 2nd

Churchgoers more likely to support torture

May 1st

I think VistaPrint’s free artwork selections are an...

May 1st

I think VistaPrint’s free artwork selections are an...

May 1st