May 2009
Sometimes 140 characters saves me from myself
Sometimes 140 characters saves me from posting something horribly embarrassing because in the time it takes to try to edit it down, I realize “Wait, I don’t want to tell anyone about that!”
For example, earlier today I felt a sneeze coming and managed to grab a kleenex off my desk just in time.
(Now something you need to know about me: I used to get horrible, horrible,...
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Worrying About The Wrong Thing
I wrote:
“What are those 2 (dads) arguing about?”
“Guess”
“Evolution?”
“Yup.”
Overheard conversations at church-based little league games are weird.
Another True Tale.
Two women (the wives of the husbands, I suspect). The guys were talking (so “arguing” was really more “friendly conversation”.)
...
And just like that....
Thunder rolled across the hills and The Creepy Neighbor Kids said “We’d better get home!”
Time? 6:55pm.
Obviously God believes in the “No more than 8 hours of Pants On Saturday” rule.
(postscript: rain ended at 7:05. Just long enough to get them—and hopefully keep them—home.)
The Day That Will Not End
11am - 1pm The Boy had a party/cookout which we were expected to attend as well.
I also had to pickup my car from the shop which had acquired a flat tire, twice, yesterday. Mechanic said it was a leaky valve, which they replaced.
1pm - 2pm The Boy had a baseball game which was only about 2/3rd over when we left.
On the way to the baseball game the “Low Tire Pressure” light came...
Spy Games
inthefade:
is anyone else concerned about their twitter friends timeline suddenly being filled with tweets by people playing a twitter-based game, or am I just a stupid bitch who doesn’t know how to have fun?
Earlier today I posted:
I just killed a hobo #spymaster
which immediately elicited this response:
@tj Unfollowed for #spymaster spam.
I have no idea who the fuck Curt Monash...
How to Search on Any Tumblr
americanmailorderbride said:
…I posted this to tumblr a month or so ago. Can’t find it outside of the dashboard because my theme has no search function.
All that means is that there’s no visible search box. But don’t let that stop you.
You can search any Tumblr simply by appending
/search/
and then the word you want to search for:
So if you wanted to search for the word...
Oh this will end well. And probably soon.
(TwitReport for my newest follower. I give him 3 days, tops.)
@ArtArgenio TwitReport:
Name: Art Argenio (ID: 25946686)
Joined: Mar 23 2009 (67 days ago)
Bio: Conservative Republican Candidate Florida Senate District 28 #tcot tea party limited government limited taxes state sovereignty pro-life traditional marriage
Where: Fort Pierce, FL
URL: http://www.Art4FLSenate.com
...
The Most Important Question I Will Ever Ask You
You can have one weapon from any movie, book, TV show, etc.
Which one?
NWS - AYFKMWTS?
Below is the actual text of an email sent out to alert us of a flash flood warning:
Flash Flood Watch in effect through late Thursday night,
The NWS in charleston has issued a
Flash flood watch for portions of northeast Kentucky, southeast Ohio, Southwest Virginia And West Virginia, including the following areas, In Northeast Kentucky, Boyd, carter, Greenup And Lawrence ky. In southeast...
I should keep track...
…of all the websites that read and think:
“This would make a really good Tumblr, and I’d read it more often too. You should totally move your website to suit me.”
Yeah yeah yeah existing audience…. I bet if you could redirect your existing RSS feeds to the Tumblr one you’d keep your current readers and add at least as many Tumblr ones.
Twitter / Tumblr Turns 200 →
The Twitter/Tumblr List welcomes its 200th member, Stevie, aka
@rinaedin and rinaedin.tumblr.com
For this she wins a gift certificate and a set of steak knives.
No, not really. Pretty much just this Tumblr post.
Kinda disappointing, I know.
(Well, one more thing: happy birthday on Saturday, Stevie!)
At the risk of being jumped on by people, I say... →
Note: I have edited down indefensible’s original post because I assume that y’all are following him already anyway. If you aren’t, a) you should and b) you should definitely read what he wrote on the link here.
Also: the utterly fantabulous jessabelle2o7 wrote a reply that addresses this issue from a legal standpoint, and I think she raises some hugely correct and important...
Clarification
The Wife would like everyone to know:
1) That she was in “hard labor” for 3 hours and 45 minutes (not “around 3 hours” as I had previously written). Three hours of pushing and screaming and hurting and crying and not thinking that she can do it and yet still doing it. (If you saw the new Star Trek movie, this part is depicted as taking approximately 37 seconds. Anyone who...
Misreading Twitter Day
So first Sean wrote:
Did you know? The sound of shooting whipped cream into your mouth masks the sound of your wife coming downstairs.
Followed quickly by a clarification:
Ok, ok, “walking down the stairs,” people. Sickos! (I love you all.)
which was awesome because even my twisted mind hadn’t considered the ‘alternative’ meaning to his original post.
...
Emails I Cannot Send
Dear Arrogant Fuckwad:
In response to your numerous emails inquiring why you are still not getting the electronic newsletter for ABC Industries, despite your insistence that you have signed up several times, I set aside some time last weekend to investigate what might have happened.
I did this instead of suggesting that you take your smug, self-righteous indignation and shove it up your...
Avery has never heard "My Humps". I really don't...
aedison:
(via clapifyoulikeme)
A strange accusation coming from the girl who has never seen Ghostbusters.
Well I guess Poeks knows what to plan for the NYC tweetup, because both of these are unacceptable.
Well.
One of them is unacceptable. The other is just — well let’s put it this way: how much would you pay for a YouTube video of Avery and Abby singing “My Humps”...
Dick Jokes
I saw a guy wearing a shirt the other day for a company called (and I am not making this up): Johnson Lumber.
I only wish that their slogan was “We’ll handle your wood.”
Or if they were known for only delivering before noon, they could have a different motto:
“Johnson Lumber: The Morning Wood Guys”
Today seemed like a good day for a new Twitter bio
Also a new “What does TJ stand for?” name:
“Transient Jinxer” as suggested by KuraFire.
Unfortunately Twitter seems to have a 20 character limit for your “Real Name”,
so “Theoretical Jizzicist” and several of the
other suggestions
won’t work.
(“Thelonius Junk” will work. So look forward to that one.)
Anyone have any other...
Pro Tumblr Tip
biorhythmist:
funsizebytes:
…because you never know when someone is going to
reblog an x-ray of a girl
deep-throating
That’s not a girl.
Of course it is, look at the size of the brain.
(or)
Of course it is, if it wasn’t a girl that would mean it’s a ——— oh gross, what do you think this is, Califor—I mean— IOWA?
On seeing the Carlton Kressley show where he...
americanmailorderbride:
stuffmygirlfriendsays
“I want to have a tv show like that. I will say, “STOP BEING FAT” and whenever the women try to eat, I will zap them with a cattle prod. When they are a size 6, they’ll thank me.”
…
Ok, when Ross changed SMGS over to tumblr, I said I wasn’t going to reblog and try to explain any of it. Well, sue me.
Stuff like this comment?...
Pro Tumblr Tip
Sure, you’re just chatting with the secretary as you both enjoy the first minutes of silence in the day, and she’s just telling you some cute story about what her dog/kid/spouse did over the weekend…
…and sure she doesn’t seem to care that you’re scrolling through your Tumblr dashboard (after all this is just an impromptu break for you both anyway)…
…but really, just...
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How to *Guarantee* a Win in an Argument Online?
Inspired by a DM conversation with inthefade we have a question for you:
You’re aware of Godwin’s Law which states:
“As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1.”
Godwin’s Law is often cited in online discussions as a deterrent against the use of arguments in the widespread reductio ad Hitlerum...
Missing the Point
(Please note update at the bottom)
Look, people, I come here for the funny, and I suspect that most of you do too.
But when you get caught doing something and lash out at others and start throwing around all sorts of nonsense, well, that just irritates me, especially when you cast yourself as the victim when you really, really aren’t.
Quoting from moelevin
So I wake up this morning...
All I'm Saying Is
If you feed your baby spinach and she throws up on you—but just a little, i.e. not so much that you think she is really sick but probably just ate too fast—I’m going to refer to it as spit-up, regardless of your socio-economic status.
Church Brew Works, redux
(This is what I get for multitasking. I got distracted and meant to click “Save” when I had to put the laptop down, but I guess I clicked “Publish”. — Ima Sosorry)
Church Brew Works is a restaurant in Pittsburgh which is located inside an old church.
I went to dinner there with Jason when I was in town last week.
The waitress came over to take our drink order.
Me:...
Church Brew Works is a restaurant in Pittsburgh which is located inside an old church.
I went to dinner there with Jason when I was in town last week.
The waitress came over to take our drink order.
Me: “I’ll have a Johnny Walker Black, neat.”
Her: “Neat? What’s that?”
Me: “Straight up, no ice.”
Her: “Oh. I guess I ought to know...
“I don’t like him. He has arrogant hair.”
– The Wife, regarding Hugh Grant.
The Rest of the Story
I wrote:
Her: “The lightbulbs are over the dryer”
Me: “The rooster flies east at dawn”
Her: “What?”
Me: “Oh, I thought we were talking like spies”
I didn’t have space to include her last line:
Her: You’re such a pain in the ass. But I love you.
