KRIS: that’s a lot of raisin bran ME: you’re a lot of raisin bran KRIS: your mom’s a lot of raisin bran KRIS: because she never was a cornflake girl ME: i don’t know what that’s a reference to so i’m going to ignore it KRIS: It’s a Tori Amos quote KRIS: which is a reference to corn flakes being created by fundies who thought tasty food made you more sexually active KRIS: In short, your mom’s a whore ME: the executive summary belongs at the top KRIS: I apologize KRIS: In this exchange I plan to humorously imply that the person you refer to as mother has loose sexual morals. ME: Proceed.
I think I had this exact conversation with my sister last week. Freaky.
Now I’m left to wonder why Poeks and her sister were talking about rrrrred’s mother being a whore.
Which is the only thing that makes sense, because if Poeks and her sister were having the conversation together, saying “YOUR MOM’S A WHORE” seems like one of those “You’re rubber and I’m glue” type of arguments like when your mom calls you a sonofabitch and then realized that one kind of backfired on her.
Message: will call back later
At my previous job the secretary has one of those plastic, round, spinning things divided up like pie pieces. Each “slice” was where she would put phone messages for us.
She routinely put the wrong message into the wrong slice, so you’d end up getting the wrong message (which was especially fun because she usually did not put who the message was To on the slip, so you’d call someone back and find out that they had actually wanted to talk to someone else, who hasn’t called them back because they never got the message.
But my all time favorite was the pink “While You Were Out” slip that I got which said, in its entirety:
I took the slip, walked into my boss’ office, and said “We need a real voicemail system.” He replied, “OK, you’re in charge of it.” In hindsight, I think he might have a) been kidding or b) thought that by putting it on me that I would object and say it wasn’t my job (it wasn’t, but no one else was going to do it) so nothing would happen.
I immediately made a bunch of phone calls to different places in town and we had an estimate in time for the next meeting of The Deciders.
Sidenote: the person we eventually hired to install the system turned out to be very cool, hired The Wife to work with her, and we’re friends to this day.
Somewhere in a file folder, I still have the “Please call” slip as a souvenir.
So reblog or comment with an answer to the following, but ONLY if you write your own too.
"Riding in Cars with Lost Boys"
Drew Barrymore, in a coming of age (ahem) story about moving to Los Angeles, and meeting Keifer Sutherland, a vampire from Radiator Springs who teaches her true meaning of friendship and family. And then knocks her up. This summer from Disney/Pixar.
And associating me with “teh” is totally not weird. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll think about Twitter people when away from the Internet, strange as that may sound to some, and I assume I’m not the only one who does that. I do the same association thing with other people and other things.
“I wonder if Tony would like this coffee joke I just thought of.”
“I bet Bailey would like those kittens over there, precariously stacked on top of each other.”
And so on.
Ditto with the pigeon picture.
I started using it on a lark (HA!) but then had actually switched it to something else for awhile, and then one night, around 2am or so, @brettp, who was coming off of a very long/bad day, mentioned something about “missing the pigeon”. I still had the picture around, so I added it back, intending to change it again in a week or so.
But the number of people who mentioned being glad to see it back made me realize that it was, for better or worse, now “me”.
I think it took longer for me to accept it than anyone else.
(Scene: Patient kept talking about American Idol. Receptionist kept saying “I don’t really watch it” in a tone that sounded a lot like “Please stop talking to me, I have a lot to do.” Patient, her husband, and Receptionist are all in their late 50’s and have fairly heavy rural accents.)
Patient: “I don’t feel bad he didn’t win, you know? A lot of them that come in 7th or 8th are recordin’ anyway…”
Husband: “That one just a screamed the whole time.”
Receptionist: “I didn’t really watch it…”
Patient, unfazed: “Well, I know he did. And you know he…”
Husband: “I told you was gay from the beginning…”
Patient: “Well everyone knew that.”
Husband: “And all he did was scream…”
Receptionist: “I didn’t really watch it.”
Patient, still unfazed: “I saw him on The Today Show, and he’s got that charisma, he’ll do fine. But he wasn’t my favorite anyway, my favorite was that red head, the 16 year old…”
Patient: “Yes! That’s her name. I really liked her.”
It really took a great deal of self control not to interrupt these three, blathering 2’ from where I was sitting, to say
"Hi, excuse me, Ms Receptionist Lady, didn’t you say, like 6 times, that you really hadn’t watched American Idol? And yet when Patient Lady hesitated for 2 seconds over the name of one of the finalists, you seemed to immediately know who she was talking about. That strikes me as curious, don’t you think?"
So instead I just beat them all to death with a chair.
Ok, not really, but only because they had their heavy wooden chairs where 2 or 3 seats are made from one frame, so it was like trying to swing a couch.
I’ve got a serious question for you. I’ve got tons of freckles on my face.
My daughter (14) has some, but HATES them. Wants to cover them up with a pound of makeup which I of course don’t agree with all the makeup to begin with.
So, with that being said…how do you REALLY feel about freckles?
I LOVE freckles! I think they are cute on kids and beautiful as they grow older.
Well, unless you are just one huge freckle. Then it’s ok too though :)
Freckles are awesome.
My daughter has what we call a “frecklace”. It’s a line of freckles across her clavicles in the shape of semi-circle right where a necklace would fall. It’s neat-o.
My son, a pale redhead, has a load of freckles all over.
I love them.
And now I’ve said and thought about freckles so much in the last few minutes that the word doesn’t even make sense any more.
I love freckles. Always have. It may have to do with the ½ Irish blood in my veins, but awhile ago The Wife and I were watching a program with the chick from Grey’s Anatomy (the main character) and saw that in real life she has freckles which they completely hide on the show, and we both thought “Why would they do that??!?!”
I do have to add, however, that none of this amounts to a hill of beans when faced with a 14 year old who is self-conscious about them.
It’s easy at 36 to say “This is a good time for her to learn about accepting yourself as you are” and I do worry that the patterns we start young in changing ourselves to please others might be a hard habit to break… but at 14? I’m not sure I would have “gotten” that at 14, and I was pretty smart for a 14 year old.
Dear Married Republicans Who Are Against Gay Marriage
It would really help your cause if you would stop sticking your dicks in people you aren’t married to.
In fact, if you are so concerned about the sanctity of marriage, why don’t you present a bill to the house or senate which says:
"Any married person who has an affair, and therefore violates the sanctity of marriage, will have their marriage immediately nullified, including all tax, insurance, and any other legal benefits which are awarded only to those who are married.
"As penalty for the affair, the offending spouse will receive 0% of the previously jointly held assets, and will be responsible for alimony/child support as applicable.
"After a period of at least one (1) year from the date the affair, the couple may apply for a new marriage certificate, if both parties are still interested."
It’s a rough draft, and I don’t speak Lawyer-ese, but I think you get the gist of it.
If it is accepted and becomes law, then you can keep marriage exclusively for the heteros.
If it isn’t; if the law somehow never comes up for a vote, or it gets defeated, or gets sent back to committee for “review”, then how about you ‘fess up to the fact that you are completely and utterly full of shit in what you profess to believe when it applies to your own life, and allow the full legal rights and privileges to those who certainly couldn’t fuck up the “sanctity of marriage” any more than Americans already have.