July 2009
June 2009
Confused
rrrrred:
KRIS: that’s a lot of raisin bran ME: you’re a lot of raisin bran KRIS: your mom’s a lot of raisin bran KRIS: because she never was a cornflake girl ME: i don’t know what that’s a reference to so i’m going to ignore it KRIS: It’s a Tori Amos quote KRIS: which is a reference to corn flakes being created by fundies who thought tasty food made you more sexually active KRIS: In...
On the App Store, App Store Pricing, and Whether... →
A real life live blog post.
“Now with Super Monkey Ball!”
Sometimes I Think I Think Too Much
I wrote:
I just took pleasure in seeing that someone had typo-ed “schadenfreude”. I’m afraid I’ll get stuck in some kind of recursive loop.
http://twitter.com/tj/statuses/2399673864
And then spent a bunch of time wondering if it should be “typoed” or “typo-ed”, then decided “Fuck it, who cares?”
The first response I...
This is an actual phone message our receptionist...
bliccy:
To: ???
Date: 6/31
Time: 3:18pm
From: n/a
of: n/a
Phone: n/a
Message: will call back later
At my previous job the secretary has one of those plastic, round, spinning things divided up like pie pieces. Each “slice” was where she would put phone messages for us.
She routinely put the wrong message into the wrong slice, so you’d end up getting the wrong...
This is another setup, right?
Oh, so when @bj stands for blowjob, then @tj is… boob sex, rite? http://twitter.com/cockthirsty/status/24037136
81
Like it isn’t obvious this is one of you trying to get me to say
something stupid in front of the Mrs.
Again.
so i'm flying out to florida on wednesday and i'll...
rinaedin:
what should i pack?
by the way, i’m bringing carry-on only. one backpack + the laptop.
i’m thinking some underwear and some chocolate and maybe a beer.
They sell all of those in Florida.
Just bring the laptop.
I once flew with no bags, only a license plate.
Friday the 13th Going on 30
bliccy:
funsizebytes:
Jason is just about to hack another group of campers to death when he’s transported back in time to when he was 13 years old at a birthday party with Jennifer Garner.
This time they get locked in a closet together, he gets to second base, and he’s pretty much OK after that.
It’s like you intentionally ignored the “Thriller” reenactment. I know the joke is hackneyed...
Friday the 13th Going on 30
srslainey:
funsizebytes:
Jason is just about to hack another group of campers to death when he’s transported back in time to when he was 13 years old at a birthday party with Jennifer Garner.
This time they get locked in a closet together, he gets to second base, and he’s pretty much OK after that.
I just choked on a Peanut M&M while reading this. I’m only telling you this so that one...
Friday the 13th Going on 30
Jason is just about to hack another group of campers to death when he’s transported back in time to when he was 13 years old at a birthday party with Jennifer Garner.
This time they get locked in a closet together, he gets to second base, and he’s pretty much OK after that.
"Man of Steel Magnolias"
Superman comes to earth and gets in touch with his softer side.
(Hey, don’t blame me. nickdouglas started it.)
The movie combo game
nickdouglas:
I describe a film plot based on two movies.
You tell me the combined title.
…
So reblog or comment with an answer to the following, but ONLY if you write your own too.
“Riding in Cars with Lost Boys”
Drew Barrymore, in a coming of age (ahem) story about moving to Los Angeles, and meeting Keifer Sutherland, a vampire from Radiator Springs who teaches her true...
No Mixed Meats
Good money says ‘Chicago-style’ hot dogs feature prominently in
Leviticus alongside polyester & other abominations.
http://twitter.com/phyllisstein/status/2396136324
Something something “not kosher” something something “don’t mix your
meat”.
I think all this time in the car has affected my funny. Probably too
much sittin’ on my...
-oscopy
Tony_D: Look, it’s really simple: if it ends in “-oscopy”, it’s
going to be bad.
http://twitter.com/Tony_D/status/2393730217
Ray Romano was on some inteview show (Leno?) a few years ago. He was
getting ready for his first colonoscopy in a few days’ time.
“I’m afraid it’s going to hurt,” he said, “but I’m more afraid...
seriously?
Looking forward to hooking up with @Tj tonite!
http://twitter.com/IS_NULL/status/2390465983
DAVE’S NOT HERE!!!
I'm starting to this y'all are punking me
@TJ, I am so sorry about your uncle Doo Doo. God bless :(
http://twitter.com/dollilolli/status/2385772108
(For the record, I have no uncle “Doo Doo”. We don’t even have any
Dodos in the family.)
"Boisterous"
Quote of the night from the #chsh Tweetup
Emz, to me:
“I didn’t realize you’d be so boisterous in person.”
Chicago(ish) Tweetup Tally
Number of times I was busted for not following someone on Twitter: 1
Followed immediately by the number of times I was busted on for having unfollowed someone on Twitter: 1
Number of times I was called an asshole: 1
Number of times someone thanked me for TwitReport: 1
Number of times someone said “That was you?” when “Hobo Vagina” came up: 3
Number of times I...
Seriously? Is this like a meme now?
@TJ: “Pasasaan ba’t tayong dalwa’y makaka-asawahan din sa huli.
Ako’y mag-aantay la-ang dine.” (in my thickest batangueno accent)
bwahaha!
http://twitter.com/remilebeau/status/2354985503
Another errant @reply. I assume.
Ok then....
SOMEONE I ADMIRE MADE MY DAY @TJ (WINK, WINK)
http://twitter.com/sexual_chocolat/status/2349740040
I swear I have no idea who this is.
The Favored Ones →
badgopher:
The funniest people on Twitter, as determined by the Favrd leaderboard. Stars tabulated and averages calculated. In the past 3 months, how many times have you made the leaderboard?
Wow. I’ve had a “To Do” list to do something like this for awhile, and someone else did it!
Three cheers for procrastination!
Also: is it clear that Sween, Badbanana, and Adam...
One Week
The Wife was working on the MacBook and asked me to installed Tweetie.
She handed over the MacBook, and then immediately picked up her iPhone and launched Twitterrific.
When I called her on it, she said “You did this to me.”
1 tag
Who has two thumbs and a husband with cancer in...
(via pocketcontents)
Reblogged because FUCK CANCER.
Re: followers and excitement
tehawesome:
(large edit)
And associating me with “teh” is totally not weird. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll think about Twitter people when away from the Internet, strange as that may sound to some, and I assume I’m not the only one who does that. I do the same association thing with other people and other things.
“I wonder if Tony would like this coffee joke I just...
OH While Trapped in Hospital Waiting Room
(Scene: Patient kept talking about American Idol. Receptionist kept saying “I don’t really watch it” in a tone that sounded a lot like “Please stop talking to me, I have a lot to do.” Patient, her husband, and Receptionist are all in their late 50’s and have fairly heavy rural accents.)
Patient: “I don’t feel bad he didn’t win, you know? A...
Serious question
timestolen:
hellonurse:
tams77:
Okay ladies and gentlemen,
I’ve got a serious question for you. I’ve got tons of freckles on my face.
My daughter (14) has some, but HATES them. Wants to cover them up with a pound of makeup which I of course don’t agree with all the makeup to begin with. So, with that being said…how do you REALLY feel about freckles?
I LOVE freckles! I think they are cute...
Dear Married Republicans Who Are Against Gay...
It would really help your cause if you would stop sticking your dicks in people you aren’t married to.
In fact, if you are so concerned about the sanctity of marriage, why don’t you present a bill to the house or senate which says:
“Any married person who has an affair, and therefore violates the sanctity of marriage, will have their marriage immediately nullified,...
