Fun Size Bytes (from @Tj)

OH While Trapped in Hospital Waiting Room

(Scene: Patient kept talking about American Idol. Receptionist kept saying “I don’t really watch it” in a tone that sounded a lot like “Please stop talking to me, I have a lot to do.” Patient, her husband, and Receptionist are all in their late 50’s and have fairly heavy rural accents.)

Patient: “I don’t feel bad he didn’t win, you know? A lot of them that come in 7th or 8th are recordin’ anyway…”

Husband: “That one just a screamed the whole time.”

Receptionist: “I didn’t really watch it…”

Patient, unfazed: “Well, I know he did. And you know he…”

Husband: “I told you was gay from the beginning…”

Patient: “Well everyone knew that.”

Husband: “And all he did was scream…”

Receptionist: “I didn’t really watch it.”

Patient, still unfazed: “I saw him on The Today Show, and he’s got that charisma, he’ll do fine. But he wasn’t my favorite anyway, my favorite was that red head, the 16 year old…”

Receptionist: “Allison?”

Patient: “Yes! That’s her name. I really liked her.”

It really took a great deal of self control not to interrupt these three, blathering 2’ from where I was sitting, to say

“Hi, excuse me, Ms Receptionist Lady, didn’t you say, like 6 times, that you really hadn’t watched American Idol? And yet when Patient Lady hesitated for 2 seconds over the name of one of the finalists, you seemed to immediately know who she was talking about. That strikes me as curious, don’t you think?”

So instead I just beat them all to death with a chair.

Ok, not really, but only because they had their heavy wooden chairs where 2 or 3 seats are made from one frame, so it was like trying to swing a couch.