Posted: Friday, July 24th, 2009 at 6:56 pm.
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sigh Mac OS X spelling checker, you disappoint me yet again. (FWIW, fellatio isn’t either. Strangely, though, both words are in the OS X dictionary but both gave me the red squiggly underlining when I typed them to indicate that they were unknown words.) In any case, this reminds me of a true story. In college, my advisor (a professor in the Philosophy/Religion department) came to speak to a group of students about ethics. During his talk he made some comment to the effect of “There are people who want to call themselves ‘virgins’ and take a lot of self-righteous pride in that, but apparently they don’t think cunnilingus or fellatio matter.” He said ‘cunnilingus or fellatio’ about 4-5 times, mostly for shock effect, I think, along the lines of “Look, I know what goes on around here, so let’s not play games.” At the end of the lecture (which was, overall, pretty good, and addressed a bunch of issues both with the group and college life in general), two of the girls in the group came over. They would have been about 20 at the time. One of them was pale blond, bright blue Disney eyes, and sweet as cane sugar. Could have been right off an Iowa farm. The other was not far behind. They came up to me (knowing he was my advisor and I knew him): “TJ,” they said urgently, “we really enjoyed his talk, but what were those two words he kept using? Were they characters from Greek mythology or something? I didn’t get that part at all.” MY.HAND.TO.GOD. I swear the only thing that would have been worse would have been explaining to them that their Daddy has stuck his penis in their Mommy’s “special place” and rubbed a lot until something special happened. “Um… well,” I said, burgeoning with awkwardness and inappropriate jokes (such as “Well let me show you…” which actually did enter my mind, but went unsaid), “They’re the technical terms for oral sex.” (Confused stares) “Fellatio is the word for blow job—” “EWW GROSS!” they both said at the same time, doing the “I’m completely revolted” version of “jazz hands” where you try to wave away something utterly disgusting before the smell gets too close or someone tries to hand you a giant slice of diarrhea pie. “Why would he tell us that? OHHHH!” (sound of shock and horror building in her voice) “Do you think he thinks we do that?!?! Why would he think that?! I never even heard that word before.” I really was quite adorable, in a “Really? Haven’t you led a sheltered life” kind of way. They’re both married now. I wish their husbands well.

sigh

Mac OS X spelling checker, you disappoint me yet again. (FWIW, fellatio isn’t either. Strangely, though, both words are in the OS X dictionary but both gave me the red squiggly underlining when I typed them to indicate that they were unknown words.)

In any case, this reminds me of a true story.

In college, my advisor (a professor in the Philosophy/Religion department) came to speak to a group of students about ethics. During his talk he made some comment to the effect of “There are people who want to call themselves ‘virgins’ and take a lot of self-righteous pride in that, but apparently they don’t think cunnilingus or fellatio matter.”

He said ‘cunnilingus or fellatio’ about 4-5 times, mostly for shock effect, I think, along the lines of “Look, I know what goes on around here, so let’s not play games.”

At the end of the lecture (which was, overall, pretty good, and addressed a bunch of issues both with the group and college life in general), two of the girls in the group came over. They would have been about 20 at the time. One of them was pale blond, bright blue Disney eyes, and sweet as cane sugar. Could have been right off an Iowa farm. The other was not far behind.

They came up to me (knowing he was my advisor and I knew him):

“TJ,” they said urgently, “we really enjoyed his talk, but what were those two words he kept using? Were they characters from Greek mythology or something? I didn’t get that part at all.”

MY.HAND.TO.GOD.

I swear the only thing that would have been worse would have been explaining to them that their Daddy has stuck his penis in their Mommy’s “special place” and rubbed a lot until something special happened.

“Um… well,” I said, burgeoning with awkwardness and inappropriate jokes (such as “Well let me show you…” which actually did enter my mind, but went unsaid), “They’re the technical terms for oral sex.” (Confused stares) “Fellatio is the word for blow job—”

“EWW GROSS!” they both said at the same time, doing the “I’m completely revolted” version of “jazz hands” where you try to wave away something utterly disgusting before the smell gets too close or someone tries to hand you a giant slice of diarrhea pie.

“Why would he tell us that? OHHHH!” (sound of shock and horror building in her voice) “Do you think he thinks we do that?!?! Why would he think that?! I never even heard that word before.”

I really was quite adorable, in a “Really? Haven’t you led a sheltered life” kind of way.

They’re both married now. I wish their husbands well.

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