He didn’t think my invitation was especially appealing

vmarinelli:

Husband: Oh my God! You’re using my razor again! I asked you not to do that!
Me: Sorry! But… actually, I didn’t this time.
Husband: Sure you did! It’s in the shower, which is not where I left it. And you just took a shower.
Me: You’re welcome.
Husband: What?
Me: You’re welcome that I took a shower!
Husband: *glowers*
Me: Okay, so I was GOING to use your razor but then I actually forgot to.
Husband: Right.
Me: I SWEAR! Here, check my pit growth.
Husband: Um, no.

I think it was @califmom who once said, “If your husband finds out you’ve been using his razor, you’d better have more to show for it than smooth legs and armpits.”

(Paraphrased. I can’t find the original. Maybe she’ll see this and let us know.)