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Q: Why should you always take two Baptists with you when you go fishing?

A. Because if you only take one, they’ll drink all your beer.

Sometimes I realize in hindsight that one or more of my spontaneous additions to the sermon would have been better left unsaid.

Still funny, though.

I’ve got a few others:

Jews don’t recognize Jesus as the Messiah,
Protestants don’t recognize the Pope as the head of the church,
and Baptists don’t recognize each other at the liquor store.

Last one, for now:

Q: Why are Baptists against pre-marital sex?

A: Because it can lead to dancing.

That joke is so old it can run for president.

I’d apologize to my Baptist followers but I’m guessing they’ve unfollowed me a long, long time ago. Obviously these are meant to poke fun at a specific kind of Baptist, not as an indictment of all of them—and you know what, I’m really not going to start adding disclaimers to everything I say here. I’ll just end with this: my mother always says “If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re probably missing the joke.”

I once heard a Baptist missionary speak at a conference and he said that he and some of his friends had once been caught “smuggling Bibles into Presbyterian churches.” I’d be mad about it, but it’s pretty funny.