There’s a lady at church who volunteers in the office on Monday. She does various things around the office and collects the sheets from the “pew pads” (those little books they ask you to sign when you come to church).
Today she came into my office and asked me to announce from the pulpit to ask people to remember to bring their used Kleenex with them at the end of the church service. Apparently this was a big issue last year and “has already started this year.”
She said that they tuck them into the sides of the pew cushions and then either forget about them or just leave them there on purpose.
"That’s gross," I said, "and I’m certainly never sitting in any of the pews ever again."
"Well you shouldn’t," she replied, "Sitting next to other people’s used Kleenex… You’ll get a cold in your butt and your eyes will fall out.."
And then I burst out laughing.
"That’s what I used to tell my kids when they were growing up," she said with a laugh.
Aside: Do I even need to mention that she’s a retired nurse? Those of you who know nurses probably already know that job does something to people’s brains… or maybe people with weird brains go into nursing, I’m not sure which, but there’s definitely a connection.
I’m not sure how we’ll address this issue (which won’t be me announcing it from the pulpit, despite agreeing that this is gross and not something that allegedly civilized people should do) but we’ll definitely have to put a note in the bulletin at least.
Anyway, it was worth having that conversation for “You’ll get a cold in your butt and your eyes will fall out” which I will definitely be using on The Boy at some point.