Fun Size Bytes

Words With The Wife, episode 2013-03-12

Her: “Would it be OK if my mom came for a visit?”

Me: “Of course. When?”

Her: “I’m going to look for flights now.”

Me: “OK.”

(Time Passes)

Her: “I got her a flight for March 26th.”

Me: “Oh good, she’ll be here for Easter.”

Her: “Yeah, and The Boy’s spring break.”

Me: “How long is she staying?”

Her: “She said to just get her a one-way ticket…”

Me: “I’m gonna need a bigger bourbon.”

Her: “What?”

Me: “What?”

Night Terrors

As you’ve probably noticed, Shasta has decided that my bed is his bed, which is fine. I haven’t had a dog-teddy-bear since Lucky.

Someone asked if Shasta ‘talks’ which I did not realize was a Husky trait, but he does, sometimes quite a bit.

He also likes to extend his paws fully while sleeping on his side to make sure that all 4 of them are touching me at all times.

Last night was one of the few times he has woken me up.

At first I thought he might be having a dream…

…but then I thought he might be in pain.

So I turned on the light…

And this is what I saw:

Source: images.luo.ma

Dear Lucky: I love you, but you are a terrible bed partner

If it’s not the claws it’s the bony butt wedged up against my leg. You realize there is plenty of room on this bed for both of us, right?

Lucky and I had a Sunday Snuggle.

DAMMIT LUCKY!

The Boy has 30” tall Superman that someone gave him. It has been in the back storage area for awhile.

Today he took it out and stood it up.

At which point Lucky started growling at it, his hackles went up like a full body mohawk, and he started to back up.

It was completely hilarious.

(Not to you, necessarily, but to me…)

More Willowy Goodness

luckyshirt replied to your photo: Favorite part today was watching Buffy the Vampire…

You never get to make fun of me for anything ever again.

You just keep telling yourself that.

mathcat345 replied to your photo: Favorite part today was watching Buffy the Vampire…

You do know she’s on Twitter, right?

I will not Twitter-stalk her… I will not Twitter-stalk her… I will not Twitter-stalk her… I’m sure the last thing she wants is someone talking about how cute she was in the late 90s.

Jan also posted two more pictures. I had seen the first one awhile ago but forgot it was her.

I also went grocery shopping today but bought more cleaning supplies than groceries.

Me: I have been scraping the "burned-on stuff" off the stovetop very slowly and carefully with the edge of a knife for the past… I'm gonna say 30 minutes.
The Wife: Woah. These meds are great!
Me: I also had a nap this afternoon, since you woke everybody up this morning calling early when we didn't have to be anywhere all day. :-P
The Wife: It was 9:40& you said I didn't wake you up.
Me: Yeah well that's what you say when someone calls and wakes you up. You woke The Boy too. It's ok, we all had to pee anyway. I think Lucky had his legs crossed.
The Wife: Ok then

Because I’m old and out of touch, I wasn’t sure what Lucky’s lyrical mixup was all about, so I went to Google.

Congrats on being the #1 result for “trying to get a little bit silly.”

Source: luckyshirt

“Why is your penis always dirty?”

— The Wife, to Lucky

Someone must be new around here.

Anyway… in case you were wondering: no, I really wasn’t planning on sleeping tonight, I much preferred pulling ticks off of Lucky and feeling itchy all over.

Filed under: REMIND ME AGAIN WHY WE HAVE TO HAVE DOGS? WHAT ABOUT FISH? FISH MAKE NICE PETS.

nicky36:

Today, summed up.

TJ: (Where by “Today” she meant “Monday” when she posted this, not “Tuesday” when I’m reblogging it.)

So… yesterday (see above) Dr Rachel had a dream that The Wife and I were splitting up.

Around the same time, The Wife had a dream that Nicky and I were having an affair “and everyone knew but no one told” her.

I won’t list all of the reasons why that idea is absurd (I’m pretty sure the face Nicky is making above is the approximate one that she’d make in response to such a suggestion), but I think the one that stood out the most is the idea that no one would tell her.

Here’s a list of people I think would tell her (IF such a thing was true, which it isn’t, obviously):

And that’s just off the top of my head. I’m sure there are more. I just stopped at 12.

Not to mention that there are at least three people on that list who would only tell her after they had cut off my dick, rammed it down my throat, and disposed of my body somewhere it would never be found. Or made it look like an accident.

(Hint: first three on the list. At least. There would be no shortage of suspects, is what I’m saying.)

Look… I’m gratefully aware that there are some folks I’ve met online who “like” me, as in: they consider me to be a friend, someone they’ve met and got along with, etc. There’s a smaller group who seem to “really” like me, as in they send nice feedback on stuff I say either her or on Twitter, and we communicate via email, text, WWF, etc.

Which is awesome and wonderful and great.

But the people who have gotten to know The Wife? They love her. As in, they think she’s one of the best people they’ve ever met. They wish they had a friend like her who lived close by. Even straight women have no hesitation in saying that they’d marry her. (As I’ve pointed out before, the “Wives of TJ” really started out as “Wives of WifeOfTJ”.)

~ The First Time ~

Remember a couple of years ago at the first really big NYC Tweetup? When The Wife had been on Twitter for about a month? I was talking with someone who was quite excited to meet me and talk to me, very complimentary about the goofy shit I write on Twitter, etc — and then in mid-sentence he said to me, “Oh, hey, I see that your wife is free. I’m going to go talk to her before someone else does” and blew past me like I was a stranger’s discarded Big Mac wrapper.

~ The Mom ~

Several years ago, my mother told me that if The Wife and I ever divorced, she {my mom} was keeping her {The Wife}. Now, this wasn’t a “serious” conversation — as in, we were not contemplating divorce or anything like that, and I’m pretty sure that she meant that she would keep The Wife in addition to me… but let’s just say I wasn’t curious enough to ask for clarification, and I wouldn’t want to bet my life on it.

Speaking of which, I have no doubt that my mother would assist in helping to dispose of my mangled body, should the need arise.

~ Anyway… ~

When I saw this picture from Nicky, I knew I had to reblog it for posterity, especially in light of The Wife’s dream.

In reality, the only one who has been sneaking into bed with me is Lucky.

Coincidence, or divine intervention?