treets replied to your photo: ivegotzooms: Someone at our office received one…
Because a lot of dudes (and plenty of women too, I’m sure) mistakenly believe that gifts make up for being inconsiderate assholes who take no real responsibility for their actions, which renders said gifts insulting.
There were several replies which made a similar point.
This is also interesting because The Wife has often said to me that she wishes she was better at “grand gestures”… and I’ve said to her that I wish I was better at being consistent…
I don’t think I’m at Rage Flower Asshole level, but I know that for a lot of years, she has gone above and beyond, and that’s a) hard to change once you get settled into patterns, b) hard to “make up for” because that’s been the pattern for so long.
On the other hand, she usually lists off the sacrifices that she sees me as having made for our relationship, and considers those “greater than” whatever shortcomings I have.
It’s strange too, because I’m fairly sure that if someone else interpreted my actions and history the way that I do, I’d defend myself and say that it was unfair. But I have no qualms about doing it myself. Likewise, I think The Wife would probably respond similarly if “attacked” (although there’s a slightly higher chance that she’d believe them and take it to heart).
Back when we were dating and first married, I would often ask people who had “good marriages” how they made it work. I have asked similar questions of parents I’ve known who raised great kids.
“How’d you do it? What did you do that others didn’t do? What was your secret, or what made your efforts successful?”
The answer is always the same: “I don’t know.”
Occasionally someone will add something about “communication” but it almost always sounds like they’ve heard others say that communication is important, so that must be it.
One parent said to me that she thought she had a great relationship with her two teenage daughters because they always sat down to dinner together as a family every night. (And once they grew into later ‘teenage-dom’ and had more activities and were not always home at dinner time, that put a big strain on their relationship.)
I don’t know if there’s a point to this, other than The Wife and I are approaching 17 years married and 19.5 years together and I still sometimes find myself thinking “Seriously? How did we not fuck this up?”
This has been a blog post about relationships and feelings. My apologies. Also: Gross.