~Welsh Candy~

“Wha?” you ask.

Allow me to present

~”TJ Opens The Mail” (A TJLiveBlog™ Experience)~

“I have a package?”

“I have a package that’s not from Amazon.com?”

“Oh! It’s from Wales!”

“How did she get my address?! I didn’t give her my address… did I give her my address? Why did I give her the home address?”

(Note: usually when I give someone my mailing address, I give them the church address because it’s more reliable, plus there’s less of a chance that Noah will eat the package, or carry it off into the woods.)

“Oooh! The label says it’s candy!”

“Why is Candy Not From The USA always better than Candy From The USA? We have all these damn chemicals but nothing actually makes it taste as good as the stuff we get from our friends overseas.”

“Good lord this is a lot of tape…”

“I really hope I don’t cut myself with this knife, I really don’t feel like going to the hospital.”

“Oh good, got it op— nope, there’s still more tape.”

“And glue?! The box is actually glued shut? This must have been a box that hadn’t been used before.”

“Ok good I finally got it—nope, still more tape.”

“You did that bit already.”

“I did? Sorry. I’ve got it open now…”

“Wow, this is a lot of wrapping for chocolate…”

“Wait… this is… this is a tiny bottle… is there chocolate in the bottle?”

“Merlyn Welsh Cream Liqueur? Well, shit, I have no idea what that is, but it sounds pretty damn good.”

“Oh there’s something else… that’s wrapped a lot too…That is not candy either!”

“Single malt — I love my friends — Single Malt Welsh Whisky? Well shit, I have no idea what that is either, but so far I’ve tried the Scots’ and the Irish, and I haven’t been disappointed yet, so bring on the Welsh!”

~ fini ~

Thanks Danielle and Richard!

p.s. - that so-called “return address” that you used is to ridiculously fake it might as well say “Cupboard Under the Stairs, 15 Jigawatt Lane, Narnia, 8675309, Uranusbuttholemaximus”. I mean really.

~ Tumblr Updates its iPhone App (A TJLiveBlog™ Experience) ~

“Yay! Tumblr updated its iPhone app!”

“Hrm… no mention of ‘bug fixes’ in the release notes…”

“Well, that’s probably too boring to mention, I’m sure they fixed bugs.”

“I hope…”

(TJ downloads the app update. TJ launches the updated app)

“Wait, what are you posting?! I didn’t tell you to post anything!”

“Great, there’s no way to stop it from posting once it started, so I just have to wait for it to finish uploading and then delete whatever it was.”

“Oh, it was that same thing that I posted hours ago. Quelle surprise.”

“So, did they at least fix Markdown formatting?”

(TJ tries to post a new text post. TJ sees only a white screen which says ‘Text Post’…)

“What the hell? Is it frozen? I’ll wait…”

(TJ waits longer than it seems likely that the problem would fix itself. The problem does not fix itself. TJ quells more surprise.)

“OK, well it just updated, maybe I need to force-quit the app and let it start fresh.”

(TJ does what he just told you he was going to do. TJ tries another text post. The same thing happens again.)

“What the hell…?”

(TJ realizes that he is using an external keyboard with his iPhone.)

“Surely that isn’t the problem…”

(TJ disconnects the keyboard from the iPhone. The normal posting interface appears. TJ is surprised. Not in the good way.)

“Seriously?! No one tested your app with an external keyboard?! SERIOUSLY?!”

“OK, fine, I’ll try a test post using Markdown.”

(TJ creates a test post using Markdown. Are you even listening? TJ sends test post to Tumblr. TJ does not have high expectations. TJ loads the page in Tumblr. The Markdown formatting is not interpreted correctly.)

“Quelle surprise.”

(TJ keeps using that word. I do not think it means what he think it means.)

“And still no iPad version of the Tumblr app.”

(TJ shakes his head in disbelief.)

“Of course, since it wouldn’t work with an external keyboard and doesn’t support Markdown…”

(TJ looks at the ‘release notes’ (shown above) again)

“What the fuck is ‘onboarding’? That’s not even a fucking word.”

(TJ found the Wikipedia entry for Onboarding which indicates that the process has everything to do with new employees, and nothing to do with getting people to sign up for some social network through your crappy iPhone app).

“How many fucking exclamation points did they use? 4 out of 10 items. Including ‘Tags!’ which were in the last version too.”

~ TL;DR Summary ~

Tumblr’s iPhone app still sucks, they didn’t fix glaring bugs (Markdown and re-posting), they didn’t do basic testing. But they did add some new features which are definitely going to be great. Exclamation point.