Fun Size Bytes

As if I wasn’t going to make an animated GIF of this.

“Oh crap, there’s something pink in here… I think that’s part of my brain.”

— The Boy, examining his Kleenex after a particularly robust sneeze this morning on the way to school.

“Your son is so you in the shoe shopping genes.”

—

The Wife, via iMessage

In case it was in any way unclear, this is not a compliment.

Parenting is hard, episode 3,417

The Boy (10): “Have you ever considered having another kid? Like giving me a brother?”

Me: “Well, yeah, we thought about it. Why do you ask?”

The Boy: “I’ve been thinking about that a lot today.”

Me: “Why have you been thinking about that a lot today?”

The Boy: “Because it turns out that it’s illegal to own a boxing kangaroo.”

wifeoftj:

Say ahhhh! So, The Boy has not been feeling well the last few days, so I took him to the doctor this morning. We went through a few books and were still waiting. I asked him what he wanted to read next.

“Give me that Parents magazine. I want to see how you’re doing.”

The Wife took him to his appointment, and I picked him up because she had to go to her doctor’s appointment.

Driving home with The Boy (after he had just found out he had strep), he said “Mom told me that when you had strep, it knocked you out for a week!”

Me: “Oh, she did, did she?”

Him: “Yeah. I didn’t even know I had it. It just feels like a lump in my throat.”

Me: “AH! see, now when I had strep, it felt like I was swallowing knives! I had the really painful kind of strep. It sounds like you have the easy kind.”

Him: “Actually, when I swallow it is a little pointy… but that’s only like once every minute or so.”

Love that kid.

Source: wifeoftj

Blanket Story, coda

Remember that adorable story about how sweet my kid is and how he covered me with his blanket on Monday morning?

And remember how Steve tried to suggest that it might have been the dog?!

(If not, read them both here.)

(As if!)

Well, let’s return to Monday night, just around The Boy’s Bedtime, EDT.

“Dad, I can’t find my second blanket…”

(Did I mention he sleeps with 4 blankets? Even in the summer? I blame The Wife’s thin blood and the fact that he was manufactured and born in Florida.)

“Which one is the second one? The Steelers’ one?”

“Yeah…”

“It’s still on my bed from this morning…”

“…This morning?”

“Remember when mom took you to school so I could sleep in? Didn’t you put that blanket on me?”

“No… I think it must have been the dog.”

“Dammit, Steve!”

“What?”

“Take your blanket and go to bed.”

~ Several Hours Earlier… ~

Me: “Did you see that picture I posted? How sweet is that? He covered me with his blanket!”

The Wife: “I think that was the dog.”

Me: “Oh shut up, it was not.”

**~ Sigh… ~**

It’s tough being the only romantic in a world full of Muggles…

Attention! Green Belt Testing about to start!!!

Please send The Boy all your good vibes.

All of them! He will return them as soon as he’s done with them.

(He has gone 4x/week for months and worked really hard, so I don’t think it will be a problem, but I never count my chickens before they hatch. I mean, if I had any chickens. which I don’t. As far as I know.)

WordWithFriends: BoyOfTJ

The Boy is back on WWF if anyone would like a 9-year-old challenger.

All I ask is that you not be too explicit (his mother checks the IMs that he sends/receives and she will totally kick your ass) and that you try not to crush him by 200+ points on every game :-)

wifeoftj:

Holy crap it’s Lindsay’s birthday!

Happy Birthday Lindsay!!!!

Love, The Tjs

I have no idea what’s going on in this picture, but I’m adding a second Favorite Thing for today, because look at the goofy ass look of pure joy on that kid’s face and tell me I’m not the luckiest sumbitch in all the land?

Source: wifeoftj

The Wife just got back from taking The Boy to the doctor’s office (again).

He has a sinus infection.

And an ear infection.

And, apparently, a high threshold for pain, because he hasn’t complained about either of those things.

The only reason he went back to the doctor today was because that cough was annoying me by not going away.

(It’s not too early to send in those Father Of The Year Award nominations.)

The Wife told me that one of the medications he’s on “might” turn his poop red.

I told The Wife that she was on bathroom duty for the next week. Which, I think you’ll agree, it just what anyone wants to hear when they’re getting ready to start Spring Break…

The Boy has been asking for about a week if The Puppy can sleep with him at night. The only trick is that he has a loft, which is about 5 feet off the ground, and far too high for The Puppy to get down if he needs to, for example, pee somewhere other than the bed.

But the other night we let him, after making sure The Puppy went out right before bed. We left his bedroom door open so we could hear any signs of “puppy distress”.

When I checked on him one last time before going to bed myself, this is what I saw. If you look up near The Boy’s head you can see his stuffed beagle (whose name is “Big Puppy”) too.

The Boy made himself dinner.

7 mini pancakes, 8 mini-waffles, 6 pieces of bacon, and 3 large chocolate chip pancakes.

At least you know he won’t be hungry.

~ True Story ~

The Boy: “What’s that key for?”

Me: “It goes to [friends of ours]’s truck.”

The Boy: “It’s a car key?”

Me: “Yes”

The Boy: “…”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

The Boy: “But how do you unlock the doors?”

~ End Scene ~

You know, I realized a long time ago that he had lived in a world where it was always possible to pause television and watch a show multiple times if you had recorded it.

I just didn’t realize that he also lived in a world where “car keys” were something you used to turn on the ignition, but not something that he associated with unlocking doors, because, well, that’s what the button on the remote does.